Taking a break from packing up my immediate surroundings into boxes for the 3rd time in 2 years on a Saturday night to seek out some inspiration…

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“When do you think is the time to love somebody the most; when they done good and made things easy for everybody? It’s when he’s at his lowest and can’t believe in hisself ’cause the world done whipped him so. When you starts measuring somebody, measure him right child, measure him right.” -A Raisin in the Sun

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New York Times – November 26, 2009

Sitting down with friends and family today, there will be thanks for the steady currents, flowing out of the past, that have brought us to this table. There will be thanks for the present union and reunion of us all. And there will be prayerful thanks for the future. But it’s worth raising a glass (or suspending a forkful for those of you who’ve gotten ahead of the toast) to be thankful for the unexpected, for all the ways that life interrupts and renews itself without warning.

What would our lives look like if they held only what we’d planned? Where would our wisdom or patience — or our hope — come from? How could we account for these new faces at the Thanksgiving table or for the faces we’re missing this holiday, missing perhaps now all these years?

It will never cease to surprise how the condition of being human means we cannot foretell with any accuracy what next Thanksgiving will bring. We can hope and imagine, and we can fear. But when next Thanksgiving rolls around, we’ll have to take account again, as we do today, of how the unexpected has shaped our lives. That will mean accounting for how it has enriched us, blessed us, with suffering as much as with joy.

That, perhaps, is what all this plenty is for, as you look down the table, to gather up the past and celebrate the present and open us to the future.

There is the short-term future, when there will be room for seconds. Then there is the longer term, a time for blossoming and ripening, for new friends, new family, new love, new hope. Most of what life contains comes to us unexpectedly after all. It is our job to welcome it and give it meaning. So let us toast what we cannot know and could not have guessed, and to the unexpected ways our lives will merge in Thanksgivings to come.

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Let me just start this off by saying that I love Barack Obama.  I cried tears of joy when he was nominated, and even more when he was elected.  I believe in his platform, his values, and his intention and ability to make some desperately needed changes in our country and overseas.  I also want to add the obvious fact that he did not “apply” for this honorable prize, but was awarded it by people who clearly saw in him what I, and millions of other people around the world, see. 

I don’t disagree, persay, with the award.  I guess the first thing that came to mind for me when I heard the news were the words that seem to have been permanently associated with Obama’s campaign and now his administration: CHANGE and HOPE.  These are powerful words that I feel he is qualified to fulfill.  However, I guess I think of these words as representing a FUTURE that Obama is striving diligently to create, and I therefore see the granting of the Nobel Peace Prize at this somewhat delicate point in his presidency as being a bit premature. 

photo courtesy of cnn.com

In his true nature of humility, however, Obama seemed to acknowledge this notion…

“”I do not view it as a recognition of my own accomplishments. But rather as an affirmation of American leadership. … I will accept this award as a call to action” he said in his acceptance speech this morning in Washington. 

I believe that Obama will live up to this immense honor, and my hope is that when future generations look back on Obama as a recipient, they will see him as a fit choice based on the fulfillment of his own ideals of instilling a renewed sense of peace to some extent during his presidency.

I certainly dont mean to undermine the extraordinary qualities and qualifications of Barack Obama as a leader.  However, I suppose what I find to be most ironic about the series of events that have led us to electing the first African American President to office, and furthermore one who has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, is that it could be argued that none of this would have ever manifested if it weren’t for the 8 embarrassingly horrific years of George W. Bush.  It was through that suffering, fear, and distrust in our government that the desperate need for somebody like Barack Obama was created.  Call me fatalistic, but I can’t help but allow this retrospective realization to further strengthen my faith in a sense of order and balance in the universe.  Call it fate.  Call it collective human karma.  Call it the big picture, or call it the silver lining.  Whatever words you’d like to use, it’s hard to deny the feeling that things are as they should be, and that maybe those cliche’ phrases of hope we throw around during difficult times have some solidity to them after all.

Here’s hoping…and all criticism and questioning aside, congratulations to our President, Barack Obama, for being offered this extraordinary award.

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“The person who has no experience of the world and who does not know good or evil has no credit.  He is a simpleton, no better than a rock.  A rock does not know what is evil.  The greatness of man is that he goes through all that which takes away the purity of mind with which man is born and rises through it, not being pushed under but holding to the mind’s original purity, rising above all that pulls him down and keeps him down on the earth.  It is a kind of fight throughout life.  He who has no cause to fight does not know life at all.”

–Hazrat Inayat Khan (from The Art of Being and Becoming)

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Maybe I was just spoiled. Maybe the fact that I grew up in a notoriously wealthy community (although I was raised in a single-parent, middle-class family) and was sent to private schools where we, as students, were held to high standards of intelligence, community interaction and involvement, leadership, communication skills, and the ability to question the world around us set us apart from the majority of the country.

Granted, I am young, and have much to learn, see and do, but in the 7 years since I have left home to live on my own, I have lived in a small mountain town in the middle of the country as well as one of the largest metropolitan cities in the U.S., and I have traveled in 5 countries, one of which was a third-world subcontinent. One common strand of truth I have come to find in my minute and relatively insignificant experiences post-bubble is that everywhere I have gone, I have ceaselessly encountered people who have humbled me with their wisdom, baffled me with their perception of the world around them and beyond, and brought me to my knees with the realization of how much I have yet to learn about life and this crazy mess of humanity in which we are all intimately intertwined.

What’s my point?

My point is that, contrary to common belief (and admittedly my own cynicism), people aren’t stupid. One could travel halfway around the world, or walk to their local coffee shop, and the chances of meeting somebody who will completely alter your views of truth, reality, love, justice, humility, knowledge or wisdom are equally great.

So why, then, does our country…the United Fucking States of America…the alleged leaders of the Free World (whatever that means)…continue to elect STUPID people as our leaders?? It absolutely baffles me.

When I watched Governor Palin speak in her oh-so-exclusive interview with Katie Couric, I was not only insulted by her complete inability to answer a simple question…or by her characteristically Republican manner of defaulting to one parachute phrase when faced with a challenging question (”…did I mention people call him ‘Maverick?’…), but I was genuinely confused. How is it possible that this woman is even being considered to help rule the United States of America??

When asked to explain her experience with foreign policy (even though she was just issued a passport for the first time in her entire life a year ago) her response was that Alaska borders Russia and Canada…”two foreign countries!!” Oh ya…that and the fact that foreign aircrafts fly over Alaska (which, first of all, isn’t even true). …Seriously?? SERIOUSLY????

Have the American people become calloused to the incompetence and blatant lack of intelligence that has embodied our leadership for the past 8 years? Have we lowered our standards by default, or have we just lost hope in the idea of dependable leaders?

A leader is supposed to be someone who inspires us to reach higher, to strive for greatness, to believe in our ability as individuals and as a nation to be extraordinary. A leader is someone with the patience and insight to be able to observe and admit the mistakes we have made as a country and a human race, and who ACTS, not TALKS, about making positive progress and necessary changes in the way we impact one another and the world around us. A leader is someone with the grace to rise above self-interest, and with the integrity to make decisions for the good of the whole. Most importantly, a leader is someone who makes all of these seemingly romanticized and idealistic values of which I speak a reality and not a joke.

We, as human beings, have dumbfounding potential. Our race (and by that I mean the human race) has the ability to singlehandedly create a world that nurtures and embodies everything that we need and desire. We have the ability to create balance among ourselves and with the delicate world in which we live. We have the ability to make wise decisions, to see beyond ourselves and our own limited experiences and beliefs, and to coexist with one another despite our differences. It might sound far-fetched, but the reality is, WE HAVE THE ABILITY!!!!!

Why, then, do we settle for the bottom of the heap? What is it that is standing in our way of allowing progress to happen? Is it the overwhelming fear that the current administration – along with their media puppets – have injected into the hearts and minds of all Americans so that they can create an illusion of being our knights in shining armor who save us from the evil terrorists….or imminent economic depression (which THEY have caused)…?? Are we really so blind that we can’t see through that??? Have we become so immune to the Federal Government’s sticky fingers from dipping their hands in foreign oil investments for the sake of keeping the rich rich and the poor…well…disregarded….that we have actually come to ACCEPT this??

Seriously, people. The jig is fucking up! We need CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s no longer about partisan identity. It’s about character. Throughout this election process we have witnessed the routine, run-of-the-mill political drama unfold. It hasn’t just been the Republicans. Hillary did it too. The finger-pointing, the hearsay, the gloves raised and the guns blazing throughout the typical showdown. But one candidate has remained steadfast, calm, collected, present, aware, humble, and honest throughout the ENTIRE campaign. When Obama was bashed for his involvement with Rev. Wright after his publicized racist remarks, Obama did not falter. He absorbed the responsibility, acknowledged and stood by his previous relationship with the Reverend, and instead of throwing a left hook out of defense, or taking the opportunity to play the “I’m black” card, he spoke about how the issue of racism spurred by this event applies to the American people. He took a personal attack and used it as an opportunity to speak to the needs and well-being of the entire nation, while still accepting all necessary responsibility.

When McCain tried to pull a typical Republican hero move by claiming valiantly that he was going to suspend his campaign in order to address the economic crisis at hand (while simultaneously completely shifting his historical views on regulation), Obama responded by saying that a leader must be able to juggle multiple taks as they arise. While the nation watched as McCain’s risky stunt landed him flat on his face, Obama has remained steadfast.

I am anxious and hopeful that tonight’s debates will reveal even more clarity to the American people that Obama and Biden greatly outshine the dull and tired Republican team that has, unfortunately, carried on the torch of bullshit that their predecessors have kept burning for the past 8 years.

To register to vote, visit www.voteforchange.com

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“I am an artist. As an artist, I may need a different mix of stability and flow from other people. I may find that a nine-to-five job steadies me and leaves me freer to create. Or I may find that a nine-to-five drains me of energy and leaves me unable to create. I must experiment with what works for me

An artist’s cash flow is typically erratic. No law says we must be broke all the time, but the odds are good we may be broke some of the time. Good work will sometimes not sell. People will buy but not pay promptly. The market may be rotten even when the work is great. I cannot control these factors. Being true to the inner artist often results in work that sells – but not always. I have to free myself from determining my value and the value of my work by my work’s market value.

The idea that money validates my credibility is very hard to shake. If money determines real art, then Gauguin was a charlatan. As an artist, I may never have a home that looks like Town And Country - or I may. On the other hand, I may have a book of poems, a song, a piece of performance art, a film.

I must learn that as an artist my credibility lies with me, God, and my work. In other words, if I have a poem to write, I need to write that poem – whether it will sell or not.

I need to create what wants to be created. I cannot plan a career to unfold in a sensible direction dictated by cash flow and marketing strategies. Those things are fine, but too much attention to them can stifle the child within, who gets scared and angered when continually put off. Children, as we all know, do not deal well with “Later. Not now.”

Since my artist is a child, the natural child within, I must make some concessions to is sense of timing. SOME concessions does not mean total irresponsibility. What it means is letting the artist have quality time, knowing that if I let it do what it wants to it will cooperate with me in doing what I need to do.

Sometimes I will write badly, draw badly, paint badly, perform badly. I have a right to do that to get to the other side. Creativity is its own reward.

As an artist, I must be very careful to surround myself with people who nurture my artist – not people who try to overly domesticate it for my own good. Certain friendships will kick off my artistic imagination and others will deaden it.

I may be a good cook, a rotten housekeeper, and strong artist. I am messy, disorganized except as pertains to writing, a demon for creative detail, and not real interested in details like polished shoes and floors.

To a large degree my life is my art, and when it gets dull, so does my work. As an artist, I may poke into what other people think of as dead ends: a punk band that I mysteriously fall for, a piece of gospel music that hooks my inner ear, a piece of red silk I just like and add to a nice outfit, thereby “ruining it.”

As an artist, I may frizz my hair or wear weird clothes. I may spend too much money on perfume in a pretty blue bottle even though the perfume stinks because the bottle lets me write about Paris in the 1930’s.

As an artist, I write whether I think it’s any good or not. I shoot movies other people may hate. I sketch bad sketches to say “I was in this room. I was happy. It was May and I was meeting somebody I wanted to meet.”

As an artist, my self-respect comes from doing the work. One performance at a time, one gig at a time, one song at a time. Six years to write one decent song that I am willing to play for other people. Throughout it all, daily, I show up at the morning pages and I write about my ugly curtains, my rotten haircut, my delight in the way the light hit the trees on the morning run.

As an artist, I do not need to be rich, but I do need to be richly supported. I cannot allow my emotional and intellectual life to stagnate or the work will show it. My life will show it. My temperament will show it. If I don’t create, I get crabby.

As an artist, I can literally die from boredom. I kill myself when I fail to nurture my artist child because I am acting like somebody else’s idea of an adult. The more I nurture my artist child, the more adult I am able to appear. Spoiling my artist means it will let me type a business letter. Ignoring my artist means a grinding depression.

There is a connection between self-nurturing and self-respect. If I allow myself to be bullied and cowed by other people’s urges for me to be more normal or more nice, I sell myself out. They may like me better, feel more comfortable with my more conventional appearance or behavior, but I will hate myself. Hating myself, I may lash out at myself and others.

If I sabotage my artist, I can well expect an eating binge, a sex binge, a temper binge. When we are not creating, artists are not always very normal or very nice – to ourselves or to others.

Creativity is oxygen for our souls. Cutting off our creativity makes us savage. We react like we are being choked. There is a real rage that surfaces when we are interfered with on a level that involves picking lint off of us and fixing us up. When well-meaning parents and friends push marriage or 9-5 jobs or anything on us that doesnt evolve in a way that allows for our art to continue, we will react as though we are fighting for our lives – we are.

To be an artist is to recognize the particular. To appreciate the peculiar. To allow a sense of play in your relationship to accepted standards. To ask the question “Why?” To be an artist is to risk admitting that much of what is money, property and prestige strikes you as just a little silly.

To be an artist is to acknowledge the astonishing. It is to allow the wrong piece in a room if we like it. It is to hang onto a weird coat that makes us happy. It is to not keep trying to be something that we aren’t.

If you are happier writing than not writing, singing than not singing, photographing than not photographing, for God’s sake (and I mean that literally) let yourself do it.

To kill your dreams because they are irresponsible is to be irresponsible for yourself. Credibility lies with you and God – not with a vote of your friends, parents and acquaintances.

Creativity is a spiritual practice. It is not something that can be perfected, finished and set aside.

The creator made us creative. Our creativity is our gift FROM God. Our use of it is our gift TO God. Accepting this bargain is the beginning of true self-acceptance.”

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I have this friend (who will remain unnamed) who adores Oprah. She even once uttered the words “if Oprah told me to jump off a bridge, I’d do it.” I love my friend dearly, and while I dont claim to have the same allegiance to Oprah, I AM admittedly on the bandwagon of her recent endorsement of Eckhart Tolle’s new book “A New Earth.”

It’s a dense and heady read, and it’s one of those books that has been taking me much longer than most books to get through (since I tend to read at night when I’m winding down to attempt to go to sleep), as I find myself having to read it like a text book in order to actually process the information and ideas being employed. While dense and heady, it is also quite simple in its lessons…but in that way that most valid spiritual philosophies are “simple.” The idea that our attachment to pleasure and our aversion to pain is what causes all suffering is a “simple” concept to intellectualize, but somehow immensely and painstakingly impossible to put into our bank of permanent experiential wisdom.

But, in that warm, fuzzy Oprah-like fashion, I can’t help but find humbling and obvious relevance to what Tolle is saying in each new section that I read (and re-read with a highliter).

Tonight’s section honed in on “Reactivity and Grievances.” At the core of Tolle’s philosophies (at least from what I’ve read so far) is this concept of the “Ego.” I know this word gets tossed around in social and psychological contexts left and right, but (if I may so boldly attempt to reiterate) Tolle explains the “Ego” as being the illusion of self that we perceive as separating us from everyone (and everything) else. That is to say, there is no distinction. There are no distinctions. This human tendency to create an illusion of dinstinction and separateness is what Tolle sees as being the root dysfunction of humanity.

I couldn’t help but feel a bit ashamed as I read through the few pages that break down with such poignant brevity the unnecessary harm that grievances can cause in our lives. While I consider myself to be one who, at the very least, strives to live progressively and consiously, I couldn’t help but shake my head at how much power I have allowed personal, petty grievances disrupt my life and peace of mind.

I’ll quote Tolle: “A grievance is a strong negative emotion connected to an event in the sometimes distant past that is being kept alive by compulsive thinking, by retelling the story in the head or out loud of ‘what someone did to me.’”

Jesus…how many nights have I sat up much later than I should have only to mentally rant about how pissed off I was at so-and-so for doing that utterly dispicable thing “to me??” it’s amazing how much power we can give away…not even TO others (because that would just be another illusion of the ego, right?) …but just to the power of negativity. Tolle points out that in holding grudges, you are essentially saying “I am right, and THEY are wrong.” Not only is this a compelte and utter indulgence of the ego, but it is useless as well.

“The truth, in any case, needs no defense” Tolle says. (Duh, right?) If one is trying to defend what they perceive as being the “truth” of a situation, it is a wasted effort, since the truth will be true regardless of whether or not someone is there to defend it. Defending a perceived truth is merely indulging in an emotional reaction to a situation, and a further abuse of the ego. And let’s face it…when do we ever really defend the “Truth” so much as our opinion of what we think is right or wrong. It is only in gaining the awareness to make the distinction between an event and our emotions surrounding that event that allow us to free ourselves from these harbored grievances and negative reactions.

“Stick to the facts,” Tolle says.

Again, easier said than done, but I can’t ignore the blatancy of the truth in what Tolle is saying.

He goes on to address the more mundane human reality of this practice as well. “Don’t try to let go of the grievances,” he says. “Trying to let go, to forgive, does not work. Forgiveness happens naturally when you see that it has no purpose other than to strengthen a false sense of self, to keep the ego in place.”

Alright, Eckhart. I’m workin’ on it. I guess I could surrender my plans to egg the car of that one guy who screwed me over back in high school (or the one who screwed me over a month ago) in the name of personal growth.

Just kidding about the egging, of course…

…kind of.

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